oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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