Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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