Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
