I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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