I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize