just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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