New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
