Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
