Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I AM VODKA MAN
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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