I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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