Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
