I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
