also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
