Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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