I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
