im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
