420 ftw
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
love makes seman taste better
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
