You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
