hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
