but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
