And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
