I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
