God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
