i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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