my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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