I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
