i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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