SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize