you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
