Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
