what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
