Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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