Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
