just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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