swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
