God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize