My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
