you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The best revenge is premature balding
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
