we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the day after is always just damage control
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
