she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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