I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
