If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
