3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
