I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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