I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
