i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
