So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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