I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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