I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
