My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
