do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
