My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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