4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
