but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
