using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
