No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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