She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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