I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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