It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
