My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
