Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
