i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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