Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
