In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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