Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
