first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
