how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
