Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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