...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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