So drunk its hurt
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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