neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
