Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
