I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
pray to the hookup gods
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
