last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
