You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
