Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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