Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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