Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
