fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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