I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
