he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
