Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Dignity is for republicans.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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