Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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